Growth Mindset

“If we are what we repeatedly do, then excellence is not an act, but a habit”

Aristotle

It’s said to take 10,000 hours to become a master of a skill…. athletes spend hours, weeks, days and months to get to that elite level and hopefully eventually reach their pinnacle performance. Years of behind the scenes, hurdles along the way, ups and downs, months of planning and preperation and YEARS of progressive QUALITY overload to become a master of their trade. The same can be said with a business, as a trainer, as a marketer, as a teacher, it may take thousands of hours and experience to claim yourself as a master. So let’s take a look on the maths of that – 10,000 hours is approximately 417 days. If you devote 3 hours per day it would be approximately 3333 days or a little over 9 years…. are you willing to do that? Or do you give up when it doesn’t all happen straight away? Or try something new and then come back? The all or nothing approach! That’s the problem we face in this day and age – it’s the age that we expect things to happen, we think we are putting in the hard work, but do we actually have the staying power to see it through? I talk about it alot – THE COMPOUND EFFECT. Doing small positive purposeful actions daily will over time create an upward curve. Its like the added up hours of what you have been practicing all of a sudden cumulate and you take that big leap forward. For example let’s take a high jumper. You spend months over your winter training period, doing conditioning work, strength training, loading up plyometrics, improve your power output and elasticity, and also technically working on different cues to get the small wins on your performance. You may spend years, and I mean years working on all the positive small things, for only maybe what seem like the smallest marginal gains. You may of jumped your Personal Best in say 2011, then been working on these small changes, and growth in strength, and technical queues that will enable you to jump higher, then the next year you don’t physically jump higher in competition. You go back into your winter season another gruelling year, then the next summer you see a 1cm increase, you think whats the point? Is all this training worth it, then you remind yourself why you started, you do that winter, and push it to the max and ensure you leave no stone unturned, then all of a sudden you see a 4cm improvement that season, which is the difference between going and not going to a major championship! Imagine you stopped the year earlier in frustration?

What does your best performance look like? This is relatable to all industries and in many areas of your life, whether it’s as an athlete, a dancer, a business owner, a personal trainer, a marketing expert, a life coach….. the list goes on – but being THE best they can be at their chosen discipline looks different from them all but actually the small instrumental methods and techniques you use in the interim to get to your best performance actually don’t differ greatly based on fundamentals.

Growth is hard, because growth means you have to expand, you have to step out of your comfort zone and feel uncomfortable. Growth is where you make progression, improve your business, improve your performance. Growth is learning how to maximise what you are doing by listening, reading, talking and implementing what you Think is the best solution for you. Growth isn’t linear, is isn’t all singing and dancing roses and sunshine. BUT growth is where you will understand how to perform better, interact more efficiently, increase your capacity and adapt to the uncomfortable feeling of being out of the safety zone. Many give up in that zone, because the growth isn’t as easy and as linear as you hoped it would be… so what do you choose? To perform to your best capabilities and grow… or are you content with where you are at?

The choice is yours!

Practice being excellent at where YOU want to excel, and your excellence will become a habit!

Busyness syndrome

Have you ever been that person who has bragged about how busy they were?

Funnily enough I know a lot of us do, and I have been guilty of this in the past to. It’s as if being busy gives us validation for our existence. But let me ask you this? How much happiness has busyness brought you? Let’s be honest most of us at our busiest are under heightened stress, heightened emotions and just physically running off adrenaline until we crash and burn… but thats success right? …..recognise yourself?

Actually typing about this gives me slight anxiety. Busyness to me, was very much a part of my validation. I created busyness and almost chaos which enabled me to hide away from other things, because I was just too busy to have to deal with it. Being busy meant at least to most, came across that I was winning and really successful and proactively improving. Actually for many years, I stood pretty stagnant because I was juggling too many pots. I was over burdening my diary which constantly meant I kept missing things, I felt unfulfilled, panicked, chasing everything, minimising sleep, and eventually ending up in a total burnout… then I kept repeating the pattern. I had a sense that as long as I was busy I was achieving. I actually would frown upon those that weren’t busy, thinking ,”gosh, come on, get up and do something with your life.” Being constantly busy can be somewhat of a status symbol, but all in all it’s mostly hiding underlying route causes. But what are they? What are you afraid to face?

I’ve reflected on this the most during the past 3 months. I actually made a really bold statement that, I panic that I achieved so much in my 20’s i’m scared I won’t achieve the same in my 30’s which makes me cram everything in. I sickeningly would envy those that were more busy than me, and ensure I made myself busier to make myself feel more accomplished – Sad right? Most of you that have known me or followed me for years, the amount I was fitting into my day was sickening! It actually gives me palpitations thinking of it. When I moved to London, all new to the big bright city, I was living off almost only £15 per week food shop. Yep – Mad right! But somehow I managed to actually do it, but to live a live in London, get out and meet people, I had to work extra hours to earn extra pennies, which included my full time job which was commission based and then teaching from 9 – 5 every weekend, plus socialising Thursday – Saturday evenings having a minimised amount of sleep of maybe 3 – 4 hours sleep per evening… and I wondered why my body broke down on me 5 months into Living in London… Sure! Being busy, created stress, but it also enabled me to feel like I had a purpose, so also my mechanism for when stressful periods arose I would then create busyness to deal with the stress adding extra stress, but it didn’t matter because at least I had a purpose…. ever heard of a busy fool? That was me! Hello!

I wanted to write about this as it is something I witness and myself have known and guilty of, and its so prevalent in our day to day society and something I am trying to improve without feeling guilty… constant busyness! How many of you have felt less stressed, more connected to your partner/relationships/family, more fulfilled, skin and bodies feel fresh, and you can actually have time to do some hobbies too since lockdown? Vast majority of most people! Maybe coronavirus was a blessing in our fast paced world thats killing our environment that we need to take more time to be mindful and more connected to whats going on around us. Being busy and over scheduling our diaries is something that can actually have harmful effects on many areas of your life: health, relationships, longevity, mental wellbeing. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and identify why you are creating so much busyness in your life.

Identifying Busyness

A few months back, I had started delving back into self development. I had gone through quite a stressful period at the back end of 2019 that meant I had really started to ramp up my busyness through many means – personal training, appointments, teaching, exercising and also ensuring I gave time to my amazing other half. My days would go like this, wake up at 4.45am, run to Barrys Bootcamp for 6am, Do Barry’s Bootcamp, Go to work for 8am, leave work by 4.30pm, clients/students till 8pm, travel home, cook dinner, spend time with my other half from September, bed by midnight, then repeat, followed by every 2nd weekend teaching courses. This had been consistent from May to end of October. Compounding months of trying to just get through, but stay busy. I had got to the point also if I didn’t have something in my diary, I would panic and book something in. Then alot of the time for social situations i’d be so exhausted from keeping up a front I wouldn’t be able to make it, or i’d only be there in body not spirit. What sort of life is that? Then my body woke me up. I physically couldn’t stay away. I had to take 3 weeks out. 3 weeks!!! I know those that are reading this – it panics me too. But I also realised, I need to stop this trend – being busy is great BUT also you need to appreciate and learn that not doing things is also great too and will benefit you also in the long run. So who wants to beat the feeling of guilt that comes with it all?

How to deal with feeling of guilt if you are not busy

This is something I am still learning, but also something I am greatly aware of. When others have said I am just so busy, my first initial reaction is, “URGHHH shit, I am not doing enough, I need to plan and get a million things done right at once,” then I take a moment to breathe and remind myself that, there’s no point being a busy fool. How do I deal with it: write out the things I would be happy to achieve today. Put end dates on things, and prioritise in those orders, rather than promising everything for that moment, within a couple of hours. I also put a priority on things I know make me feel accomplished such as running, so that needs to be a priority in my day – so how do I start every morning – doing exercise. Then I set myself the task to not sit at my desk before 8.30 and when I do I spend my first 10 minutes just going through my task list and picking out the things that need to be done that day, but not over burdening with 2 page worths of MUST DO NOW. The overall result – achieving so much more, feel happier, look happier, eat better, sleep better – okay who doesn’t want that?

So if you recognise yourself in the above, I want you to give yourself permission to slow down, relax and enjoy your life a little more. This is harder than it seems, especially if you are someone who is heavily involved with social media. Make a commitment to being more intentional in your life regarding your efforts, and choosing what you want to be a part of is crucial. You will also need to find your inner “no” and become comfortable with the idea that you don’t have to be part of everything, you are not the only one who can do things, and people won’t think less of you for choosing to sit something out.

What I want you to take away from this. It is okay to enjoy life, in-fact its more than okay! It’s EXCELLENT and life is there to be enjoyed and also work hard, BUT don’t compromise your livelihood and longevity by chucking away these years and being super busy all the time. Slow down a little, try and save more AND by saving more, means you can actually take more breaks and get aways. You are here for the long run, sometimes you need to be kind to yourself as well as pushing yourself and you make life the best experience it can be… don’t let years pass without finding happiness in your day to day. Life is for living.

Would you rather turn round at 90 and say, “I can’t believe I did that” or “I wish I did that”. It’s time to embrace balance and know that it’s okay to give yourself permission to switch off.

All my love,

Jayne x

30 things I’ve learnt being 30

So with less than a month till I’m no longer just 30, I was doing a little bit of reflection and I thought id type a little blog about some of my lessons this year. I was going to do as a video… but I’ve run out of time to edit soooooo here we go with a blog – I may video for release on my 31st…. OMG 31! I was reflecting over the last year over the weekend and how much has changed in my life and lessons I have learnt. It’s crazy when you look at it how much you can grow as a person in a year so here’s a little insight:

30 things I’ve learnt being 30:

  1. age is definitely just a number – you don’t feel any different all you might do is just adjust your outlook on a few things to remind yourself your not 21 anymore 😁
  2. Being single is okay!! Especially in London. I remember leading into my 30th I felt this massive pressure to be in a relationship again and I was panicking and thinking oh shit.
  3. 30 is definitely the new 20! It’s been the first year I’ve really started to feel I’ve come into my own person and own that. You stop worrying about all the other stuff that used to cause you upset and remove it.
  4. You can just keep improving your fitness. This year I have probably become the fittest I have ever been in my life even more so than when i was an athlete – just all rounded and not lost any strength.
  5. Real friendships last no matter the distance and miles. I think we get older, friends start to marry off, move away but the ones that are real are always there. I do not miss the days of being a teen and having to go through all the girl bullshit we all did when we were at school.
  6. You only live once so eat the cake, drink the wine and actually live your life – it won’t have that much impact on you if you do everything in balance.
  7. Don’t take life so seriously: in my 20s I was so focused on being an elite athlete I took EVERY element of my life so seriously including sleep. Having a couple of nights where you maybe stay out later is actually good for your soul.
  8. Happiness doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It’s being perfectly happy and accepting what you have while striving to improve.
  9. Laugh more with people you love
  10. Consistency over volume. I read an article the other day actually which backed this up. As you get older consistency is more of the key rather than caning your body all the time!!
  11. Nightclubs are not for me hahaha I used to force myself to go out to clubs and this year I sort of realised crowded dark rooms are not fun for me. In my 18s-30 I barely went clubbing because I was training pretty much full time and in long term relationship. I much prefer drinks and dinner or a boozy brunch and in bed by 12 haha and that’s okay 😁
  12. Trust needs to be earnt
  13. You don’t need to have it al together. I think at 30 you feel is an anticipation you need to have it all together… it’s okay everyday is a journey.
  14. Being yourself is the best thing you can be and it’s the most attractive thing you can do. You will only attract people into your life who get you rather than moulding yourself to fit it (it will never work)
  15. I enjoy and thrive of being busy. I used to get stick all the time about being busy but I actually thrive of it. I spent time trying to strip life back and I hated it. You gotta do what works for you.
  16. Your never too old to just have fun…. dance in the rain, jump in the sea… you are only as young as you feel
  17. Others people’s judgements of you are definitely their judgement and insecurities. Take everything with a pinch of salt and move forward
  18. Heart break does get easier…. emotions are temporary and the feeling will pass
  19. You don’t need to be married, want to have kids right now or even be in a relationship… it doesn’t define you
  20. Time on your own is amazing. Never be afraid to travel and escape on your own. I’ve found these trips some of my most creative and productive in spending time working out what I want and who I am.
  21. Life is definitely better when you are laughing so make sure you take time every day and week to do something that makes your heart smile.
  22. You need to live more present in your life. Put your phone away in social situations and just live in the moment.
  23. Stop worrying about finding the right person, the right job, having the right body. Just be you and you will attract the right things in.
  24. Mistakes and hurt are genuinely just lessons that help you grow.
  25. Being kind hearted doesn’t make you week it makes you extremely strong
  26. Everybody has a story that you might not know about spend time trying to understand what they are going through rather than thinking it as a judgement of yourself.
  27. Creating busyness doesn’t mean productivity: learning to stop creating busyness and start being productive and accepting that rest is good
  28. You will always be enough for the right person
  29. Your smile and mindset has the power to influence, change and help others make a change. By sharing your story and by standing up it is helping others even when you doubt it is.
  30. Life is too short to live in regret, fear or anger. So forgive, face your fears and let go of anger. Focus on what makes you happy and rock it 😉

Be Your Own Sacred Space

So I have been pretty quiet over the last couple of months. I wasn’t sure how to portray this into words, and I just felt like I had nothing to say, while trying to keep my shit together and carry on with life. Everything I had thought in something felt like it had turned out to be based completely on lies. I am a very upfront and honest person so when people lie I struggle to understand at times why they would do it. Ive spent the past couple of months just silencing my mind of overthinking and hurting myself and refinding me. London can be crazy, it can consume you and pull you in and sometimes you just need to take a step out. Its been a couple of months of transition, change, letting go, learning to trust in the process, learn to forgive when you don’t get an apology, learning to understand and accept me for me embracing everything I bring and owning it. Its been a journey that I have learnt a lot about my own resilience and learnt a lot about how much I have to give… and understand If I have this amount of heart to give to someone who takes it for granted I am so ready to give it to someone who really deserves it… its been a time to find a sacred space for myself. A time where I have really had to remove myself from a lot of things and focus on the things I know bring me peace in my mind, body and soul and focus on only me. I posted on mental health awareness week about how we all deal with mental health differently and we all have stigma about mental health and what it is. We all face mental health on a day to day basis just by how you deal with life. Some of us are talkers, some of us are not. I am certainly a person who likes to take some time out, understand it, analyse it, make peace with it and then move forward in silence. We can all find it hard to find that sacred space where you can heal. Heal from the race of life, heal from the words going through our heads, heal from the situations that break you heart. Heal from lies you have been told and knowing you will never find out the truth. I truly have some great concepts regarding Find Your Power – that’s what my soul searching does – helps the creative process. But the most important thing in this process is understanding what is your sacred space and helping your own mind and body be your favourite place to be.

In one of my last blogs I wrote about a non comparison of yourself to others. At the time I was experiencing a situation that I had ended up judging everything about who I was, my body, my mind and my soul. Questioning if I was good enough and if I would ever meet someone who accepted me exactly as I was – lets be honest I am a bit of a dork haha. I am a great believer in being kind and understanding everyones situation for what it is. The hardest thing with this is seeing the best in people and situations. The weakness with this is at times, you forget not everyone lives with such an open mind and open heart. Allowing toxicity into your mind causes the effect of a negative loop in your confidence. Even the strongest people can allow this to happen at times. All it takes is one small trigger to set it all off. What it takes is knowing how you can switch it off and get yourself back on track quicker. It’s having strategies for yourself, understanding yourself, being at peace with yourself. How often do you take time out just to reflect? Reflect on what makes you feel peaceful, where are you when you feel peaceful? What inspires you to make a change? If you are in a rut how can you get out of it? When you start really negatively talking to yourself, what has caused this? Is it unhappiness in yourself or is it a trigger for what someone else has said? For me the key message here for you is… you are in that head of yours a lot. We live there 24/7 so we need to ensure its a nice place to be. To create this we need to find time to create a sacred space, so when you are on your own in there its a peaceful place to be. When we create it, that’s when the magic happens, when your energy changes, when you radiate what you want back, when you shine brighter than the sun and everything feels easy. When the right people appear in your life and you learn to let go and realise what really matters to you. Write it out… State. what you want and make it happen. Take your time and find your peace. It’s not always going to be an easy journey, but when you get there, and you have created that sacred space, everything feels lighter and clearer. You deserve it… remember we are all human, good things take time. Sometimes you need to get lost to rediscover and remind yourself you can Create your own sunshine.

All my Love xxx

Impact

Strong word… but so relevant as to how you live your life. What impact do you have on a day to day basis? Positive influential or negative and energy sucking. Do you step in a room and provide a presence, or do you you shy away and hide in the corner? Do you believe in every word you say, or are you nervous to put your words out there.

Every interaction you have leaves a lasting impact. What impact do you want to leave on people?

“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do make a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”

Jane Goodall

Do you strive daily to leave a positive impact on the people around you or are you not aware of your surroundings? When you start to open up and become aware of how much your conversations and interactions affect not only your day but those you are around it shows you how important it is choosing the people you spend the most time with. When your conversations don’t flow openly these are not your people. Have you ever been in one of those situations where you are in endless conversation where you don’t want the evening to end? I love those conversations. It could literally come out of nowhere, but you walk away having learnt so much and it makes you think how much impact that person has had on you. Be aware and conscious of your words. Choose positive words, positive body language, positive smiles. Even when your days are feeling down, try and think how you can boost it. Today and this week think about your impact. Think about how you want people to feel around you, think about how you can help inspire someone to make a change, or help someone overcome something going on in their lives. Be open, be present and make a difference. Inspire others by how you deal with imperfections rather than focusing on being perfect. Get out there make a change, make a difference, help others, inspire others, show others the path, stick by people you love, help a stranger, help an elderly person across the road, stand up and shout proud knowing you are making a difference. Happy Sunday ❤

Lots of Love

Jayne xx

Vulnerability

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

Vulnerability – I hate the feeling of being vulnerable I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. It makes me feel exposed, fearful and anxious. But when we enable ourselves to be vulnerable we can create this incredible journey of facing our fears because let’s be honest most of our fears make us vulnerable. Usually one area of fear can have a massive uptake for the rest of our days – we need to remember bad moments should only be a moment not an entire day. I have been feeling very fearful lately of putting myself out there. My entire life this fear held me back from so many areas, and every leap forward really was facing so many fears. I had always been so afraid of being set up to be completely taken out with embarrassment – which lead back to an experience I went through at 6 (in my book), but even though I worked through it with a therapist I still battle with this idea of being made a joke of and being embarrassed with who I am. My way of dealing is setting a goal so large and absolutely smashing it out of the park so I tend to then create this empowerment trip to prove myself that I am not that person, which becomes very tiring and then we go round in this circle of self doubt, criticism, vulnerability, facing fears, creating empowerment, building strength and then restarting to doubt again as I envisage I am being the joker or irritating (which is exhausting and I tend to need a time out) and then the next empowerment trip starts (tiring reading it isn’t it). I get so many of you message me asking how I manage to seem to have it all together. Honest truth is – I don’t. No one really has everything together, but what I am really good at is creating a strategy and path and being completely authentic throughout the whole process. Sometimes being honest doesn’t earn me the best brownie points as I tend to say what I think – something I used to be so afraid of to fit in…. WHAT is the point in trying to fit in when we are all meant to be unique? So here is my little Monday motivation for you. Everyone is facing a battle you might not know about – whether thats relationships, self esteem, career, body, mind, loneliness, fears, mental health… what we can all do is be more authentic? Be vulnerable, be the courage. Don’t inspire others by being perfect, inspire others by how you deal with your imperfections. Just listen… to your heart, to your head and be kind to yourself and those around you ❤ Happy Monday!

Strategy to Taking Control of Your Fear

  1. Breathe
  2. Remind Yourself That You Can Handle Anything
  3. Remember bad moments are only a moments
  4. Feelings and emotions are temporary
  5. You can only manage what’s in your control – other people are not!  Focus on all that only you can control and that is your own emotions and headspace. 

Stop Chasing The Waves

Yes… ME! Learning to let the waves come to me and not chase them! Meaning I need to learn to be patient… and learn to stop time incase I miss things. Life is so precious and we spend so much time chasing things… Career Success, Love, Money, Glory, Image, Perfection – how often do you take time to just be in the moment? How often have you been impatient and its caused things to break down, or you have missed a vital piece of information, or been misinformed because you haven’t waited for the whole picture before jumping to conclusions? How often have you wanted the answers NOW and not waited for them to find you? Yes I am guilty of all the above. Of putting career before relationships. Of chasing perfection rather than embracing what I have. For fearing hurt/abandonment and jumping to conclusions in relationships. None of us are perfect but what we can is recognise these things. Take time to just watch the waves.

Take time to allow the waves to come to you, see the full picture, understand the process. Work on what you love while you do it… learn to embrace you and your time. Be alone in your head and it not be scary. Embrace your space, laugh with your friends, worry less live more! Work hard but remember that you need to play too. Be brave enough to be vulnerable, be brave to trust what your gut is saying without jeopardising your worth. Be brave to say you are worth the wait to achieve great things, but you have to go through process. There is no short cuts, so stop chasing the waves. They eventually reach the shore in a calm, beautiful manor!


So for now… laugh in the confusion, embrace the moments, live your life, but still visualise your dreams. Be patient in the process and dance your way to happiness, all in the knowing that the waves will eventually reach the shore, in the right time, in the right moment exactly the way it was meant to be.

All my Love

Jayne xxxx

You Were Born to Be Real Not Perfect


Are you a sufferer of perfectionism? I know I am! Something I battle on a day to day basis. From striving to be a top 2%er and striving for excellence in everything (work, life, friendships, relationship) I have to try and not allow my mind to overthink it, over plan it and overanalyse everything. Sitting writing this as my flight Is delayed in the airport for a solo escape to get some rejuvenation and refresh my mind and body. We can be a nightmare to live with or be friends with. My major level of perfectionism is planning everything down to smallest T. I hate starting my day without a plan. Plans keep me motivated, keep me regimented and keep me on time! But from time to time we mess it up, the plan doesn’t happen, you have a rough day, you feel not so positive, but what do you do? You bounce back – usually with massive vengeance. I struggle sometimes to embrace when times are a bit tougher or I am hurting… mostly due to the fact that I like to be that beacon, that hope, that light and positive smile. You can inspire more people by being real and sharing you experiences than pretending it is all okay. I love this phrase above, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So here is me being real. I am taking a few days out from life to get my soul right and rest my head and heart. Ill be back bigger and better with a fresh outlook, positive mindset and renewed energy! It’s okay to admit it and it’s okay to take a step back and put yourself first.

If you are struggling at the moment to find calm within you. It is okay to just be real. Speak about it, talk it through, write it down, ride the waves of emotions and remember to take time for you. Take time out to remember who you are, what you need and how you can keep a smile on your face.

Lots of love

Jayne xxx

Who has it all figured out anyway?

I am here to tell you not a lot of us haha! I got asked the other day, Jayne what is your 5 year plan and for the first time in a long time I froze and panicked! OMG I do not know what my 5 year plan is anymore, I have been DRIFTING!!!!!!!!!! I am a massive planner, like I know its frustrating for others how much I need to know what’s going on. I am not very good at just going along with day to day without a structure and plan in place. The key thing being because I just don’t want to miss anything. People, moments, work, training, food haha (yes you laugh if I don’t plan in food I might get too busy and forget). I like to fully live life and have a plan so I can see everyone In my life but sometimes it gets too much and I panic.

silence ❤

How many times have you found yourself there? Lost in the darkness unsure of where it is your life is steered. At 30 sometimes I despair at where my life is going, am I on the right path, trying to get back in sync with my vibe and ensure I am “flowing”. Oh yes, we have all heard it, get in your flow and everything will be okay… be patient everything is a work in process… your prince charming is round the corner… okay thanks… Mum that doesn’t help me right now (wondering if I may actually be the real life Bridget Jones) **haha chuckles of laughter**…. Okay we laugh, Maybe a little bit of an exaggeration but sometimes if you don’t laugh you might cry so it is always best to laugh and smile and maybe have an (awkward silence) but you get the gist. Any ladies or gents out there you may know this feeling and even those in relationships and couples. Are you in the right place, are you with the right person. Or career wise, are you In the right place? Are you on the right path? Are you working to live or living to work?

I adore the people in my life who seem to have it all figured out, their aura so strong and powerful with satisfaction and focus. The relationships of couples I know where all your feel there is pure love and complete adoration. I sometimes struggle at wondering if that will eventually be me one day and if someone will be able to put up with my complete stubbornness to loving to have a plan and meticulous and annoying drive for grabbing everything with 2 hands and going full pelt…. But what is the plan? THIS IS BREAKING NEWS Ladies and gents and I am here to tell you something BIG…. Are you ready for it? 

Drumroll please…

THERE IS NO PLAN!!!

I know….  “WHAT?? NO PLAN” I hear you say… what are we all going to do? Surely this is how we base life…  But the plan is you CREATE your own plan and your story! Wow… I know… I find it crazy writing that (crazy planner woman over here) but each day is an opportunity to create your plan. To write your story, to find your path, to make a change, to improve your life, to find love, to be love, to LIVE! What a great thing that each morning you wake up, you breathe in fresh air and have the opportunity every morning to do something with your life, to inspire others with your life, to help others, to help yourself and most importantly to find your power in yourself. This is part of the opening to my new book. Find Your Power which is currently in the process of the plan… and yes this plan has been sitting there for 10 months. It’s taken me 10 months to get round to reminding myself I am at my happiest creating. I am assuming you have all seen PS. I love you? The part of the movie that she is telling Gerry she was born to create. This sounds ridiculous but as I watched this movie in December for the first time in years this quote has stuck with me, the theme song and everything has given me some weird sense of creativity back, like a chord struck. Writing is my creativity and I love it and it helps me help you guys and girls, it also helps me create speaking content to deliver epic talks and speeches. It helps me remember who I am, what I stand for and who I want to be. What is your creativity? Where do you want to go?

Key Thing:
It isn’t about the perfect plan, the perfect life, the perfect Flow, the perfect image, the perfect balance. It’s about just being. Something I am trying to do… just be!
Its about accepting that you have flaws and understanding what you can do about it, but embracing that you can’t always be perfect.
It’s about knowing that no matter what judgement comes your way, you can only be true to who you are.
It’s about accepting what will be will be. You can’t force situations, you can only nourish them.
It’s about being patient, when you want to rush, and about being calm when you want to blow!
It’s about being present right now in this moment and embracing its all step by step, moment by moment, day by day, week on week, year by year.

What is the point in this blog for you? To help you relax, to calm, to flow, just as much a post for me as it is for you. If you are reading this and you are in a momentary lapse of – I am not at the right point in my life. I am not where I need to be… STOP! Don’t panic! You are exactly where you need to be right at this moment in time. Whatever confusion you are going through, whatever success you are feeling, whatever pain you are potentially going through, what is it teaching you? It’s not a negative, it is there for a reason to help you grow, to help you flow and to help you understand what you need more of in your life or less of in your life, people, hobbies, places, air. Whatever you are up to this Wednesday, take time to understand your silence. Take time to get comfortable in it. Time to understand it is good for you. Time to understand the more silent you are the more you can hear, the more you can create, the more you can become clear and the more you can get comfortable in being yourself. Remember you are 90% of how you react to the 10% of life you cannot control. Life is too short to live in fear and doubt and a lack of self love. I am on this journey with you the whole way. Take some time out to create your silence and find some peace.

Happy Wednesday 🙂

Love Me xx


Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Need to find that “off” switch? *Hands up* My off switch isn’t very good… like ever! haha I love to be busy and filling up my life with being busy!  But I am also very good at using busy as a coping mechanism to hide emotions and feelings, it’s a distraction method many of us use to hide potentially a few things: stress, anxiety, fear, depression, hurt, worry, heartache and loneliness. I was speaking to someone just the other day and its only been recently that I can sit and watch part of a movie on Netflix without feeling “guilty”. HOW ridiculous is that and unlogical does that sound really haha but its true! I told you I was daring bare! It’s actually something we are SO bad for in society and it then means it actually makes others feel anxious for not being so busy and its this massive vicious cycle – I remember once I got asked out on a date and my response was I am actually not free till October 10th…. and that wasn’t a joke! I had filled in every weekend and free evening with something! Poor guy I used to be such a woman on a solo mission I have got better over the years haha.  

Anyway back to the point: busyness! Why do we fill our lives with being busy rather than embracing moments? Put pressure on situations rather than just letting them blossom? Create scenarios in our heads that are not even truly valid. I have been reading the book the art of being brilliant (in fact I have been reading a lot again recently which has Brought back my creative flow – its my meditation) but we are all so busy that we miss things, we miss living and we miss nurturing our relationships and ourselves. Reading this morning about busyness brought up this topic. With our lives being so much busier than ever there is only so much our brains and neural system can process and yep you guessed it – it chooses what it wants to hear and what it doesn’t. Have you ever had that grumbling feeling that you don’t want to hear something so you pretend that you didn’t? Like when you were a kid and you were told to tidy your room…. yeahhhh mum sure I will do that – until your dad threatens to chuck all your clothes away in black bags if it isn’t done by the morning – OH now your listening.

Information passes through 3 systems:
1. Deletion
2. Distortion
3. Generalisation

Deletion

Have you ever read a sentence or read your own work and missed out the 5 extra “the” in your paragraph? But its only because your mind automatically deletes those words, its busy it doesn’t have time to consume them so automatic deletion happens. Sometimes I would question when you think you have had a conversation but your mind deletes that it has… almost like when you “forget” the conversations you had when you were drunk hehe just a little joke. Deletion takes away the information we don’t want to see. For example, if you are saying oh what a beautiful day it is…. and someones response is but its cold… they are deleting the positive of the fact its glorious sunshine!!!! WHAT?? Lets look on the bright side of life… we live in the UK its going to be cold from November – March lets embrace the sunny days and feel the rain for what is it.

Distortion

This is where we change the view of a situation to fit our values rather than looking at it with open eyes. I wish I was better at actually distorting, but I am not. What I try and do is always look at it from what is called in coaching: the Pillar method. Your opinion, Their opinion and someone from the outside looking in . Rationalising the situation and then making a decision on the next best approach. The worst thing about understanding and nurturing psychology is knowing there is reasons for everyones reactions BUT obviously it helps you help others. Your body distorts images or situations based on what you want to see not necessarily for the truth.

Generalisation

This is the worst! MY GAWD how many times have we ALL generalised a situation based on past feelings or emotions? HANDS UP I am guilty. This is human nature and a protection mechanism, but actually not everyone has the same intentions or want to hurt you, or lie to you or drop you! This I would say is the one thing we all need to get better at. Generalisation ruins friendships, relationship and careers because you automatically think something will happen because it did In the past… so I am here to tell you something… it blooming well will if you think like that because guess what……. drum roll…. that’s exactly what you are attracting because that’s exactly what you are looking out for.

So why do we need to switch off more? It stops us with the above, it enables us to slow down and process things, discover ourselves, find peace and not jump to conclusions. Find your silence hobby and ensure you do even just 5 minutes a day, whether is journalling or reading or mediation or exercise. Silence your mind and heal your head, heart and soul. So would you lie with me and just forget the world? I hope we can all start.