30 things I’ve learnt being 30

So with less than a month till I’m no longer just 30, I was doing a little bit of reflection and I thought id type a little blog about some of my lessons this year. I was going to do as a video… but I’ve run out of time to edit soooooo here we go with a blog – I may video for release on my 31st…. OMG 31! I was reflecting over the last year over the weekend and how much has changed in my life and lessons I have learnt. It’s crazy when you look at it how much you can grow as a person in a year so here’s a little insight:

30 things I’ve learnt being 30:

  1. age is definitely just a number – you don’t feel any different all you might do is just adjust your outlook on a few things to remind yourself your not 21 anymore 😁
  2. Being single is okay!! Especially in London. I remember leading into my 30th I felt this massive pressure to be in a relationship again and I was panicking and thinking oh shit.
  3. 30 is definitely the new 20! It’s been the first year I’ve really started to feel I’ve come into my own person and own that. You stop worrying about all the other stuff that used to cause you upset and remove it.
  4. You can just keep improving your fitness. This year I have probably become the fittest I have ever been in my life even more so than when i was an athlete – just all rounded and not lost any strength.
  5. Real friendships last no matter the distance and miles. I think we get older, friends start to marry off, move away but the ones that are real are always there. I do not miss the days of being a teen and having to go through all the girl bullshit we all did when we were at school.
  6. You only live once so eat the cake, drink the wine and actually live your life – it won’t have that much impact on you if you do everything in balance.
  7. Don’t take life so seriously: in my 20s I was so focused on being an elite athlete I took EVERY element of my life so seriously including sleep. Having a couple of nights where you maybe stay out later is actually good for your soul.
  8. Happiness doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It’s being perfectly happy and accepting what you have while striving to improve.
  9. Laugh more with people you love
  10. Consistency over volume. I read an article the other day actually which backed this up. As you get older consistency is more of the key rather than caning your body all the time!!
  11. Nightclubs are not for me hahaha I used to force myself to go out to clubs and this year I sort of realised crowded dark rooms are not fun for me. In my 18s-30 I barely went clubbing because I was training pretty much full time and in long term relationship. I much prefer drinks and dinner or a boozy brunch and in bed by 12 haha and that’s okay 😁
  12. Trust needs to be earnt
  13. You don’t need to have it al together. I think at 30 you feel is an anticipation you need to have it all together… it’s okay everyday is a journey.
  14. Being yourself is the best thing you can be and it’s the most attractive thing you can do. You will only attract people into your life who get you rather than moulding yourself to fit it (it will never work)
  15. I enjoy and thrive of being busy. I used to get stick all the time about being busy but I actually thrive of it. I spent time trying to strip life back and I hated it. You gotta do what works for you.
  16. Your never too old to just have fun…. dance in the rain, jump in the sea… you are only as young as you feel
  17. Others people’s judgements of you are definitely their judgement and insecurities. Take everything with a pinch of salt and move forward
  18. Heart break does get easier…. emotions are temporary and the feeling will pass
  19. You don’t need to be married, want to have kids right now or even be in a relationship… it doesn’t define you
  20. Time on your own is amazing. Never be afraid to travel and escape on your own. I’ve found these trips some of my most creative and productive in spending time working out what I want and who I am.
  21. Life is definitely better when you are laughing so make sure you take time every day and week to do something that makes your heart smile.
  22. You need to live more present in your life. Put your phone away in social situations and just live in the moment.
  23. Stop worrying about finding the right person, the right job, having the right body. Just be you and you will attract the right things in.
  24. Mistakes and hurt are genuinely just lessons that help you grow.
  25. Being kind hearted doesn’t make you week it makes you extremely strong
  26. Everybody has a story that you might not know about spend time trying to understand what they are going through rather than thinking it as a judgement of yourself.
  27. Creating busyness doesn’t mean productivity: learning to stop creating busyness and start being productive and accepting that rest is good
  28. You will always be enough for the right person
  29. Your smile and mindset has the power to influence, change and help others make a change. By sharing your story and by standing up it is helping others even when you doubt it is.
  30. Life is too short to live in regret, fear or anger. So forgive, face your fears and let go of anger. Focus on what makes you happy and rock it 😉

Body Image: What’s positive about you?

Ladies and gents, one thing that’s always a hot topic is body confidence and body image. For many years I was completely obsessed with having THE perfect body, or having THE leanest because that’s how I felt people judged me. Don’t get me wrong I find it hard in my 30’s not to wonder if the reason I’m single is I feel myself have the body of a child still and a lot of the time struggle to accept exactly how I look, but that’s another matter that I will come on too. But the bottom line is, yes we all want to strive to look a specific way and yes we may want a bigger bottom, a smaller waist or want abs, but with all these different body shapes come all sorts of beautiful people. Really what is the essential matter is what lies within yourself. The words you tell yourself, your words you tell others, the patience you give yourself and the kindness you give to yourself and others. I became so frustrated at my body this year I even decided I was DEFINITELY going to go and buy myself some boobs. Had the consultation, got everything sized up and then I stopped myself for a moment. What were the reasons I was doing it? It was because I was struggling to accept myself the way I was. I looked at all these woman around me, who looked like woman, and I couldn’t accept that I didn’t look like that. But what I represent and what I do is about helping others embrace their bodies and shining through from the inside. So I took a moment, roughly around about the time I went to Tenerife to take a step back and reflect on things. What are the things people tell me:
– I have incredible legs
– I have a pure heart
– I care about everyone
– I am passionate
– I am inspiring
– I have an amazing smile
– The best one I have ever had is I can light up the room with my positive aura.

When I stepped back I thought, if I was to get that done, I had to be doing it for me, not because It made me worry I wouldn’t meet someone who would accept me. Then it clicked, Someone who is meant for you will accept you exactly the way you are through everything. When I had the consultation and looked at my body with them I was like it looked weird. It looked weird because I spent so much time accepting my body as this tall, lean, athletic and thin looking human. For the first time in many years I was actually really healthy and happy with everything, especially in my approach to food. Other things were booming for me, my career, my friendships so really why was I standing there beating myself up about having a body surrounding a heart that can give so deeply to everything I do. So why am I writing this. I am writing this because we all face these issues. We all face times we just think I hate my body, I wish I was a specific size, I wish I had smaller this or bigger that. STOP… what I want you to do is take time out today to tell yourself what’s positive about you? What would you never give up about yourself? Who are you? What amazing things are happening for you right now? What do others say they would love about you? Focus on the positives, not physically but emotionally. Beauty and Bodies are only skin deep. Beauty fades, bodies change and when you are old and wrinkly you don’t want to look back and say I spent 30 years of my life hating on myself and not living life with vigour, fun and confidence. So go out there today, stop worrying about everyone else, start Walking proud whatever body shape you are, smile in the knowing that you are you, and that is the best version you could ever be.

All my Love
Jayne xx

Vulnerability

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

Vulnerability – I hate the feeling of being vulnerable I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. It makes me feel exposed, fearful and anxious. But when we enable ourselves to be vulnerable we can create this incredible journey of facing our fears because let’s be honest most of our fears make us vulnerable. Usually one area of fear can have a massive uptake for the rest of our days – we need to remember bad moments should only be a moment not an entire day. I have been feeling very fearful lately of putting myself out there. My entire life this fear held me back from so many areas, and every leap forward really was facing so many fears. I had always been so afraid of being set up to be completely taken out with embarrassment – which lead back to an experience I went through at 6 (in my book), but even though I worked through it with a therapist I still battle with this idea of being made a joke of and being embarrassed with who I am. My way of dealing is setting a goal so large and absolutely smashing it out of the park so I tend to then create this empowerment trip to prove myself that I am not that person, which becomes very tiring and then we go round in this circle of self doubt, criticism, vulnerability, facing fears, creating empowerment, building strength and then restarting to doubt again as I envisage I am being the joker or irritating (which is exhausting and I tend to need a time out) and then the next empowerment trip starts (tiring reading it isn’t it). I get so many of you message me asking how I manage to seem to have it all together. Honest truth is – I don’t. No one really has everything together, but what I am really good at is creating a strategy and path and being completely authentic throughout the whole process. Sometimes being honest doesn’t earn me the best brownie points as I tend to say what I think – something I used to be so afraid of to fit in…. WHAT is the point in trying to fit in when we are all meant to be unique? So here is my little Monday motivation for you. Everyone is facing a battle you might not know about – whether thats relationships, self esteem, career, body, mind, loneliness, fears, mental health… what we can all do is be more authentic? Be vulnerable, be the courage. Don’t inspire others by being perfect, inspire others by how you deal with your imperfections. Just listen… to your heart, to your head and be kind to yourself and those around you ❤ Happy Monday!

Strategy to Taking Control of Your Fear

  1. Breathe
  2. Remind Yourself That You Can Handle Anything
  3. Remember bad moments are only a moments
  4. Feelings and emotions are temporary
  5. You can only manage what’s in your control – other people are not!  Focus on all that only you can control and that is your own emotions and headspace. 

Stop Chasing The Waves

Yes… ME! Learning to let the waves come to me and not chase them! Meaning I need to learn to be patient… and learn to stop time incase I miss things. Life is so precious and we spend so much time chasing things… Career Success, Love, Money, Glory, Image, Perfection – how often do you take time to just be in the moment? How often have you been impatient and its caused things to break down, or you have missed a vital piece of information, or been misinformed because you haven’t waited for the whole picture before jumping to conclusions? How often have you wanted the answers NOW and not waited for them to find you? Yes I am guilty of all the above. Of putting career before relationships. Of chasing perfection rather than embracing what I have. For fearing hurt/abandonment and jumping to conclusions in relationships. None of us are perfect but what we can is recognise these things. Take time to just watch the waves.

Take time to allow the waves to come to you, see the full picture, understand the process. Work on what you love while you do it… learn to embrace you and your time. Be alone in your head and it not be scary. Embrace your space, laugh with your friends, worry less live more! Work hard but remember that you need to play too. Be brave enough to be vulnerable, be brave to trust what your gut is saying without jeopardising your worth. Be brave to say you are worth the wait to achieve great things, but you have to go through process. There is no short cuts, so stop chasing the waves. They eventually reach the shore in a calm, beautiful manor!


So for now… laugh in the confusion, embrace the moments, live your life, but still visualise your dreams. Be patient in the process and dance your way to happiness, all in the knowing that the waves will eventually reach the shore, in the right time, in the right moment exactly the way it was meant to be.

All my Love

Jayne xxxx

You Were Born to Be Real Not Perfect


Are you a sufferer of perfectionism? I know I am! Something I battle on a day to day basis. From striving to be a top 2%er and striving for excellence in everything (work, life, friendships, relationship) I have to try and not allow my mind to overthink it, over plan it and overanalyse everything. Sitting writing this as my flight Is delayed in the airport for a solo escape to get some rejuvenation and refresh my mind and body. We can be a nightmare to live with or be friends with. My major level of perfectionism is planning everything down to smallest T. I hate starting my day without a plan. Plans keep me motivated, keep me regimented and keep me on time! But from time to time we mess it up, the plan doesn’t happen, you have a rough day, you feel not so positive, but what do you do? You bounce back – usually with massive vengeance. I struggle sometimes to embrace when times are a bit tougher or I am hurting… mostly due to the fact that I like to be that beacon, that hope, that light and positive smile. You can inspire more people by being real and sharing you experiences than pretending it is all okay. I love this phrase above, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So here is me being real. I am taking a few days out from life to get my soul right and rest my head and heart. Ill be back bigger and better with a fresh outlook, positive mindset and renewed energy! It’s okay to admit it and it’s okay to take a step back and put yourself first.

If you are struggling at the moment to find calm within you. It is okay to just be real. Speak about it, talk it through, write it down, ride the waves of emotions and remember to take time for you. Take time out to remember who you are, what you need and how you can keep a smile on your face.

Lots of love

Jayne xxx

Who has it all figured out anyway?

I am here to tell you not a lot of us haha! I got asked the other day, Jayne what is your 5 year plan and for the first time in a long time I froze and panicked! OMG I do not know what my 5 year plan is anymore, I have been DRIFTING!!!!!!!!!! I am a massive planner, like I know its frustrating for others how much I need to know what’s going on. I am not very good at just going along with day to day without a structure and plan in place. The key thing being because I just don’t want to miss anything. People, moments, work, training, food haha (yes you laugh if I don’t plan in food I might get too busy and forget). I like to fully live life and have a plan so I can see everyone In my life but sometimes it gets too much and I panic.

silence ❤

How many times have you found yourself there? Lost in the darkness unsure of where it is your life is steered. At 30 sometimes I despair at where my life is going, am I on the right path, trying to get back in sync with my vibe and ensure I am “flowing”. Oh yes, we have all heard it, get in your flow and everything will be okay… be patient everything is a work in process… your prince charming is round the corner… okay thanks… Mum that doesn’t help me right now (wondering if I may actually be the real life Bridget Jones) **haha chuckles of laughter**…. Okay we laugh, Maybe a little bit of an exaggeration but sometimes if you don’t laugh you might cry so it is always best to laugh and smile and maybe have an (awkward silence) but you get the gist. Any ladies or gents out there you may know this feeling and even those in relationships and couples. Are you in the right place, are you with the right person. Or career wise, are you In the right place? Are you on the right path? Are you working to live or living to work?

I adore the people in my life who seem to have it all figured out, their aura so strong and powerful with satisfaction and focus. The relationships of couples I know where all your feel there is pure love and complete adoration. I sometimes struggle at wondering if that will eventually be me one day and if someone will be able to put up with my complete stubbornness to loving to have a plan and meticulous and annoying drive for grabbing everything with 2 hands and going full pelt…. But what is the plan? THIS IS BREAKING NEWS Ladies and gents and I am here to tell you something BIG…. Are you ready for it? 

Drumroll please…

THERE IS NO PLAN!!!

I know….  “WHAT?? NO PLAN” I hear you say… what are we all going to do? Surely this is how we base life…  But the plan is you CREATE your own plan and your story! Wow… I know… I find it crazy writing that (crazy planner woman over here) but each day is an opportunity to create your plan. To write your story, to find your path, to make a change, to improve your life, to find love, to be love, to LIVE! What a great thing that each morning you wake up, you breathe in fresh air and have the opportunity every morning to do something with your life, to inspire others with your life, to help others, to help yourself and most importantly to find your power in yourself. This is part of the opening to my new book. Find Your Power which is currently in the process of the plan… and yes this plan has been sitting there for 10 months. It’s taken me 10 months to get round to reminding myself I am at my happiest creating. I am assuming you have all seen PS. I love you? The part of the movie that she is telling Gerry she was born to create. This sounds ridiculous but as I watched this movie in December for the first time in years this quote has stuck with me, the theme song and everything has given me some weird sense of creativity back, like a chord struck. Writing is my creativity and I love it and it helps me help you guys and girls, it also helps me create speaking content to deliver epic talks and speeches. It helps me remember who I am, what I stand for and who I want to be. What is your creativity? Where do you want to go?

Key Thing:
It isn’t about the perfect plan, the perfect life, the perfect Flow, the perfect image, the perfect balance. It’s about just being. Something I am trying to do… just be!
Its about accepting that you have flaws and understanding what you can do about it, but embracing that you can’t always be perfect.
It’s about knowing that no matter what judgement comes your way, you can only be true to who you are.
It’s about accepting what will be will be. You can’t force situations, you can only nourish them.
It’s about being patient, when you want to rush, and about being calm when you want to blow!
It’s about being present right now in this moment and embracing its all step by step, moment by moment, day by day, week on week, year by year.

What is the point in this blog for you? To help you relax, to calm, to flow, just as much a post for me as it is for you. If you are reading this and you are in a momentary lapse of – I am not at the right point in my life. I am not where I need to be… STOP! Don’t panic! You are exactly where you need to be right at this moment in time. Whatever confusion you are going through, whatever success you are feeling, whatever pain you are potentially going through, what is it teaching you? It’s not a negative, it is there for a reason to help you grow, to help you flow and to help you understand what you need more of in your life or less of in your life, people, hobbies, places, air. Whatever you are up to this Wednesday, take time to understand your silence. Take time to get comfortable in it. Time to understand it is good for you. Time to understand the more silent you are the more you can hear, the more you can create, the more you can become clear and the more you can get comfortable in being yourself. Remember you are 90% of how you react to the 10% of life you cannot control. Life is too short to live in fear and doubt and a lack of self love. I am on this journey with you the whole way. Take some time out to create your silence and find some peace.

Happy Wednesday 🙂

Love Me xx


Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Need to find that “off” switch? *Hands up* My off switch isn’t very good… like ever! haha I love to be busy and filling up my life with being busy!  But I am also very good at using busy as a coping mechanism to hide emotions and feelings, it’s a distraction method many of us use to hide potentially a few things: stress, anxiety, fear, depression, hurt, worry, heartache and loneliness. I was speaking to someone just the other day and its only been recently that I can sit and watch part of a movie on Netflix without feeling “guilty”. HOW ridiculous is that and unlogical does that sound really haha but its true! I told you I was daring bare! It’s actually something we are SO bad for in society and it then means it actually makes others feel anxious for not being so busy and its this massive vicious cycle – I remember once I got asked out on a date and my response was I am actually not free till October 10th…. and that wasn’t a joke! I had filled in every weekend and free evening with something! Poor guy I used to be such a woman on a solo mission I have got better over the years haha.  

Anyway back to the point: busyness! Why do we fill our lives with being busy rather than embracing moments? Put pressure on situations rather than just letting them blossom? Create scenarios in our heads that are not even truly valid. I have been reading the book the art of being brilliant (in fact I have been reading a lot again recently which has Brought back my creative flow – its my meditation) but we are all so busy that we miss things, we miss living and we miss nurturing our relationships and ourselves. Reading this morning about busyness brought up this topic. With our lives being so much busier than ever there is only so much our brains and neural system can process and yep you guessed it – it chooses what it wants to hear and what it doesn’t. Have you ever had that grumbling feeling that you don’t want to hear something so you pretend that you didn’t? Like when you were a kid and you were told to tidy your room…. yeahhhh mum sure I will do that – until your dad threatens to chuck all your clothes away in black bags if it isn’t done by the morning – OH now your listening.

Information passes through 3 systems:
1. Deletion
2. Distortion
3. Generalisation

Deletion

Have you ever read a sentence or read your own work and missed out the 5 extra “the” in your paragraph? But its only because your mind automatically deletes those words, its busy it doesn’t have time to consume them so automatic deletion happens. Sometimes I would question when you think you have had a conversation but your mind deletes that it has… almost like when you “forget” the conversations you had when you were drunk hehe just a little joke. Deletion takes away the information we don’t want to see. For example, if you are saying oh what a beautiful day it is…. and someones response is but its cold… they are deleting the positive of the fact its glorious sunshine!!!! WHAT?? Lets look on the bright side of life… we live in the UK its going to be cold from November – March lets embrace the sunny days and feel the rain for what is it.

Distortion

This is where we change the view of a situation to fit our values rather than looking at it with open eyes. I wish I was better at actually distorting, but I am not. What I try and do is always look at it from what is called in coaching: the Pillar method. Your opinion, Their opinion and someone from the outside looking in . Rationalising the situation and then making a decision on the next best approach. The worst thing about understanding and nurturing psychology is knowing there is reasons for everyones reactions BUT obviously it helps you help others. Your body distorts images or situations based on what you want to see not necessarily for the truth.

Generalisation

This is the worst! MY GAWD how many times have we ALL generalised a situation based on past feelings or emotions? HANDS UP I am guilty. This is human nature and a protection mechanism, but actually not everyone has the same intentions or want to hurt you, or lie to you or drop you! This I would say is the one thing we all need to get better at. Generalisation ruins friendships, relationship and careers because you automatically think something will happen because it did In the past… so I am here to tell you something… it blooming well will if you think like that because guess what……. drum roll…. that’s exactly what you are attracting because that’s exactly what you are looking out for.

So why do we need to switch off more? It stops us with the above, it enables us to slow down and process things, discover ourselves, find peace and not jump to conclusions. Find your silence hobby and ensure you do even just 5 minutes a day, whether is journalling or reading or mediation or exercise. Silence your mind and heal your head, heart and soul. So would you lie with me and just forget the world? I hope we can all start.

Becoming Human

That process, sometimes where you need to lose yourself. To allow yourself to feel out of control and go with the flow. Something that comes very unnaturally for me. It’s been almost 5 years since retiring as an “athlete” and I still reminisce in those days and what they meant and how they shaped me as a person. Creating my superhuman thinking, that I can achieve and be anyone I want to be. What we struggle with transitioning into “normal” life is a change of identity from one life to another life. It’s a moment a lot of us get lost, but it’s the time to get lost and explore and start the next chapter of whom you are becoming. I know I have struggled to leave that identity behind me, and I still find myself beating myself up if I miss a session or if I eat badly and drink too much. As usual the athlete mindset of perfectionism towards areas of control can kick in and everything can get too much where you step back and reevaluate. It’s a process of trial and error, in all areas, work, relationships, pressures and friendships.

 

For me I made a massive life move to London 2 years ago and it has turned out to be the most adventurous and best move I have made. For the first time in years I feel like I belong again. I have a social life that keeps me happy, a fitness life that keeps my body and my mind fresh and currently work that I absolutely adore. But it’s been a major process… a long old process which you can still at times beat yourself up about. I can find myself judging my life against others and angered at myself I am not at different life phases BUT then I remember I need to breathe and look at what I focused my life in my 20’s on instead. If you are currently struggling to find your human, I want to tell you it’s a journey and its a process. It’s a constantly process of learning and understanding you, as truly you, naked, stripped and as nature intended, taking a deep step into your soul and asking what truly makes you happy.

 

Everyone has an opportunity to change their life in the blink of a moment but so many of us are going through life with our eyes closed – OPEN THEM! You might miss your opportunities that are right In front of you. Why I am writing this? I get a lot of you messaging me regarding how in control I am, busy and focused and how do I stay so positive all the time…. ? True answer is because I am learning to trust the process. The heart aches, the let downs,  the mistakes, the failures, the sad days, the positive, the proud moments, the anxieties I sometimes I feel, the friendships I make daily, the people that pass through life, they are all there for a reason, to help shape you… EMBRACE THEM. They are either a lesson or a blessing, follow your gut instincts and lead with your heart and open your mind to the possibility that all of us are struggling in some ways. The key being: how do you look at the outcome? The positive happy people are the ones who look at everything with opportunity to grow and learn. It doesn’t mean we don’t have down days, we have just learnt how to use them positively. Always bounce back, and always learn. Take your time out to tune into you,  and when you are ready…. become your human – your raw, unapologetically beyoutiful you! Welcome back to my Blogs… all my love Jayne xxxIMG_2871.JPG

Breaking Your Thoughts…

January provides a month where a lot of individuals re analyse their lives, what makes them happy, what do they want and what do they want to achieve. After such big breakthroughs in life for me in 2017, I have felt an immense amount of pressure to keep pushing – which excites me as I feel the effect of the compound effect of positive mental attitude, but recently I have spent a lot of time reflecting on how do I help others achieve that compound effect, how do I encourage and motivate individuals who really are struggling to see the light and enable them to break out the mould of their negative habits. We all have bad/negative habits, BUT after presenting at Scottish Athletics seminar on Eating Disorders last night with such an amazing turn out and listening to Louise Capicotto it really sparked some deep thoughts. So many of us battle thoughts, WE ALL do… but only a handful know how to really deal with their emotions in a positive manner and understand themselves and their own self needs. I have been reading the book, “Quiet” by Susan Cain divulging into the world of introverts and the power of introverts. How difficult is it being an introvert in an extroverted world? We are all expected to be this specific way to be successful – Lawyers, bankers, stock traders, business men, BUT some of the worlds most successful people are those who are introverts. An introvert are sometimes viewed as weird, BUT what if you had the balance correct. Walking away from last nights presentation made me realise a lot of things:

  • You Can Achieve Anything You Decide You Want To Do
    • As I was talking through my experiences last night, this was the first time I have been brutally honest about some of my experiences and lows. 9 years ago I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t handle the demon in my head called bulimia. I was so LOW, I had no esteem, no drive, I had completely lost who I was, my worth, where I was, what I wanted, who I wanted to be, I just wanted this illness taken away from me. I couldn’t see escape, and I thought the only escape was to go. As a bulimic sufferer, unlike anorexia you hide your illness, you look relatively normal weight, can put on a front, hide away socially, physically and emotionally. You learn to shut people out, even the closest to you. I spent days and weeks where I only left my bed after I had starved myself for days to eat, which I knew would start the next cycle. I want to tell you WHATEVER your stage of recovery – YOU can get back to a fully functioning normal life. You CAN believe in yourself again, you just need to keep working on it, you need to keep reminding yourself YOU are worth it. I have days still now here and then where I am so low I want the world to disappear, BUT what I have realised is that these days are few and far between, and it is mostly due to the fact that one of the personality traits of an ED sufferer is OCD and Perfectionism. I have spent, and still spend time daily working on my mindset and strength to ensure I am fully functioning. It is something I will never be able to stop doing because I always want to keep improving and growing and being a better human being to help others become happier and healthier too. Last night I stood up in front of a room of nearly 100 people to speak with confidence, and happiness about my experiences in a positive light. Listening to Louise also helps prove that There is a light at the end of the tunnel YOU need to keep going, because I promise you that it is worth it. One step at a time. Don’t beat yourself up at a set back, just refocus, regain your thoughts and start moving forward again. At times last night my anxiety started to take over as I was speaking at the thought of, “I am setting myself up for complete judgement” and thoughts running through my head at points were, “everyone thinks I’m a joke” and “I am not good enough to be up here” BUT I have learnt to shut out my chimp! That voice that negatively talks me down – YOU can do that too, the thoughts may be there but it’s learning how to destroy them and prove them wrong.

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      Glasgow 2014 CWG QUALF
  • The Power Of Others Emotions and Words
    • How many times have you taken a moment to think about your emotional affect on someone else? It is something I am very very conscious about, but its something a lot of people do not think about or care about. I have written a couple blogs that touch on this topic and an instagram live feed. The power of others negative impact on your thoughts. How many times have you walked into a room and put that negative emotion onto the others in the room? If I ever do that, the next best thing I do is apologise straight away and try to create a positive impact. How many times have you thought about the power of your words? I spoke last night about unveiling in counselling sessions some of my triggers from back when I was a child. I speak about in my book an incident from back when I was 6 year olds, that sparked the trigger of embarrassment for not being good enough. When I was 8, upon being left out of a group I was called Fat, at 10 a passing comment from a parent which was overheard by a friend about potentially being ill (anorexic) was passed onto me from a friend again only 10 neither of us understanding what it meant because I was super skinny “far too skinny”. Sometimes you don’t realise the power of what you say and the affect that has on your subconscious mind. This is why the phrase be kind always is so important. Girls especially are terrible, I would never want to go through my teenage years ever again, BUT now guys are becoming increasingly worse. WE ALL NEED TO STOP TEARING EACH OTHER DOWN –  WE NEED TO START BUILDING EACH OTHER UP. What makes someone more important than the next person? NOTHING! We are all equal in our own right. Lets start creating that environment for the youth of today to grow and love instead of tearing each other down. This starts from adults now – our generation the generation before us – WE SET THE PRECEDENT! Which is why I am so privileged and grateful to have the opportunities I have now to help change the future for our youth. IMG_2297-1
  • Admission is NOT weakness it is STRENGTH 
    • Admission is not a weakness it is a strength. It takes some guts to admit, “I have a problem” NO MATTER WHAT it is: Addiction, mental health, medical issues, eating disorders, disabilities, there is nothing to be ashamed off. One of the key purposes of speaking out was to help others realise, Yes I have had an Eating Disorder and do you know what No I am not ashamed of it. It is something that defined me for so long, but IT no longer will define me, it helped me redefine myself, it has catapulted me to really learn who I am, it has enabled me to see what serious depression is in and made me realise how fortunate I am to have made it through, to see light in each day and have the opportunity to help others to see that you can break through. Every struggle you go through is a lesson, a lesson for you to grow, and understand who you are better. I am not saying it will be easy, BY GOSH it will take hard work, a lot of HARD work, but how much do you want to live a normal life again? How much do you want to see the light? How much do you want to laugh and smile at the sun rising in the morning, to smile at the beauty of the world, see the light and hope in others around you and see the good in what everyone is trying to do for you and help others understand how to be kinder and happier.  Admission is the first step to saying, “I am strong”, “I want a better life”, “I deserve to be happy” and YOU DO! I want you to know that you are not alone. Admission is a lonely phase, it can be isolating and scary, its the steps that you know you can’t back out, you have a stamp on your forehead, BUT you are not alone. We are here for you, and we are here to help you see the light. Speak out, reach out and allow yourself to live yourself again, overtime, you will see it is worth it. Don’t let your demons define you – Lets rise up and burn your flame so bright. IMG_1296

“Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world”

Roald Dahl

I AM  – The Two Most Powerful Words You are Going to use:
I am POWERFUL
I am BEYOUTIFUL
I am WORTHY
I am READY
I am A WARRIOR
I am GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE

* I believe in you – I want you to believe in you too *

Get Your Copy Of Free-ed on Amazon

With Love

J

xxx

Jayne is available for Transformational speaking engagements and Event Hosting.

Contact pa@beyoutiful-u.co.uk for information

Your Attitude Changes Your Direction

Attitudes? What are they? What do they represent? Why do we have them? Have you ever heard of the saying,” if you don’t like something change it, if you can’t change it change your attitude”. I spoke briefly about attitudes on Monday on my live insta feed and how we can identify our attitudes and how we can change them… but I want to go into a little more depth. I want to help YOU change your mind and your life. I want to help inspire you, motivate and educate you to realise and understand that you have the power to do whatever you set your mind too. All it takes is a change in attitude. An attitude is what we think, what we do and how we feel. this can be in regards to a situation, a person, or a hobbie, or anything that makes you think, do or feel. FOR example: some people have a bad attitude towards relationships, this is normally learnt from experience of a bad relationship and having negative connotations towards any relaltionship they step into, they automatically expect the next relationship to be the same… why? Because most people end relationships, don’ t spend the time to reflect and understand why it didn’t work, before quickly moving onto the next situation… with the same attitude… and the cycle continues. One bad experience, after another, and another and another leads too: negative outcome, negative attitude. In order to change your attitudes – we need to change our behaviours – which means we need to look at our current situation and what our desired situation would be – this is called ecology checking (looking at our behavioural impact on our attitudes).

How do we change our behaviours?

You have come to this point right now – even I am assuming from those reading where you just think: I wan’t more than this. I deserve more than this. Why am I not getting more than this? One of my favouritie universal Authors Dr Steve DeMartini talks about your thoughts become things – what you think about you bring about. Therefore same is with behaviours we need to start looking at how we act is what we attract into our lives. First thing I want you to do is think about the behaviours you portray? What behaviours do you like? What behaviours do you not like so much? What behaviours do YOU want to change to be the person YOU want to portray?

For example: Jayne August 2016

What behaviours did I portray?

  • Low Confidence in my ideas
  • Low body esteem
  • My attitude towards myself was that I wasn’t good enough
  • My behaviours were I was afraid that everyone around me hated me
  • I actually 14 months ago sent an urgent email to MIND.org as I was in a mental place again where I didn’t want to be here. I had lost my focus, my goals, what I wanted to do with life, trapped, alone, and misunderstood – VERY misunderstood. I felt like everyone around me would be better off without me there and I was just an annoyance to peoples lives, I had started to allow others behaviours to affect me. UNTIL I took a step back and thought… why are you doing this to yourself again?

I picked up a book the Slight Edge and honestly started to revolutionise my life. I have so many people contacting me, commenting on my positivity, change in mindset and outlook. I took a step back and literally went into a social recluse. I removed myself entirely because I knew I had to reinvent myself. I dived fully into work, self development and writing my book, because I knew I wasn’t getting the best out of myself. These behaviours and attitudes didn’t change overnight. They took months of persistence, determination and focus. I started with my focus being part of the “5am Club” which Robin Sharma talks about loads. I then started reading every day – every morning for the first 30 minutes of my day I would do learning. It focused my mind and made me alert for the day ahead. From here I stayed focused on what worked best for me. Social situations I would take part if they worked best for me, because I had got myself into the habit of completely forgetting about my goals, my wants, my needs and put everyone else first. But unless you are looking after number 1 how can you support others? I took a big step forward and day by day I started to feel myself grow. Spritually, emotionally, stance and becoming the woman I wanted to become. I desired so badly to be this radiant positive person who could help others believe in themselves and help make an impact to positively improve the world. (I am still working on this) but my mission is to look after number 1 and use how I deal with my imperfections to help change peoples outlook – I am a coach, a speaker and a people person. What I have done for the last 10 years is help develop and manage people to change their perspective and outlook on fitness and their priorities. I had all my basis there, I just wasnt implementing it. So lets look at some NLP: Neuro Linguistic Programming – How we are going to change your behavioural competencies. Lets start with future pacing today. Your mental rehersal of what you could achieve and what you want to achieve (what you think about you bring about).

What is your desired outcome?
What do you want? What would you like to happen?

What values do you associate to this outcome?
What is important about it to you? How will it benefit you?

What evidence will you need to know that you have achieved this outcome?
How will you know when you’ve got it? How will others know? What will you and others see?

What’s your current responsibilities to achieve and your barriers?
what has stopped you so far from achieving your outcome? What will you have to do differently?

What will your ecology check and positive intervention come of it?
What impact will this outcome have on your life? Work? People around you?
Are you sure you want it?
Are there any positive by products by staying the way you are now?

Future Pacing
Take a moment to float off 5 years in to the future and look back from then. What was the first steps you needed to take towards acheiving your desired outcome?

Take 15 – 20 minutes to complete this exercise – Email me your results and ideas:
jayne@beyoutiful-u.co.uk