How often do you take on others problems and try to help them solve them? So often we take on the toils of others out of pure love to ensure they are safe and out of harm. When you work in an industry where helping people is your main trade you tend to bring this into your personal life too. Part of the hardest thing about being in industries where helping other is your key focus is where do your create that boundary. People are drawn to you because you are a helper, you are nice but then tend to drop you as soon as you are unnecessary. As humans its a natural instinct to be wanted to be needed. We like the idea that someone wants us or needs us. Especially as females we are providers, that what we are created for, to create little humans and provide for them. What I tend to find is I get too emotionally involved in those I care about, I feel their pain when things go wrong, I want to carry and nurture them to make sure they are pain free, but what you have to remember is everyone has to carry their own backpack. One of my friends pulled me aside the other day. With a lot of change happening in my life right now, it causes major unsettlement with emotions which causes you to over worry, over think and over emotionalise everything. She told me this story about your own backpack. Everyone has their own life backpack they have to carry. Everyones each individual backpack is pretty heavy, its full of everything in your life, your worries, your fears, your emotions, your trophies, your winnings, your dreams – everything. Everybody has one of these backpacks and everyones backpack is pretty darn full. You can’t unload someone else backpack onto yours, because how will you then be able to climb the hill? All you can do is hold their hand, support them, and encourage them to the top. SO here is my weekly motivation for you. If you are trying to help someone else unload their backpack. STOP. Support, cry with them, hold their Hand, encourage them BUT you cannot take on their backpack as well as your own. What I suggest for you this week is to support. If you can feel someone struggling, reach out. Ask them if they are okay, let them know you are there to support. Let them know that we can all talk about our backpacks, and we can all support each other. But remember you have enough in your backpack alone. You need to focus on that.
Ladies and gents, one thing that’s always a hot topic is body confidence and body image. For many years I was completely obsessed with having THE perfect body, or having THE leanest because that’s how I felt people judged me. Don’t get me wrong I find it hard in my 30’s not to wonder if the reason I’m single is I feel myself have the body of a child still and a lot of the time struggle to accept exactly how I look, but that’s another matter that I will come on too. But the bottom line is, yes we all want to strive to look a specific way and yes we may want a bigger bottom, a smaller waist or want abs, but with all these different body shapes come all sorts of beautiful people. Really what is the essential matter is what lies within yourself. The words you tell yourself, your words you tell others, the patience you give yourself and the kindness you give to yourself and others. I became so frustrated at my body this year I even decided I was DEFINITELY going to go and buy myself some boobs. Had the consultation, got everything sized up and then I stopped myself for a moment. What were the reasons I was doing it? It was because I was struggling to accept myself the way I was. I looked at all these woman around me, who looked like woman, and I couldn’t accept that I didn’t look like that. But what I represent and what I do is about helping others embrace their bodies and shining through from the inside. So I took a moment, roughly around about the time I went to Tenerife to take a step back and reflect on things. What are the things people tell me: – I have incredible legs – I have a pure heart – I care about everyone – I am passionate – I am inspiring – I have an amazing smile – The best one I have ever had is I can light up the room with my positive aura.
When I stepped back I thought, if I was to get that done, I had to be doing it for me, not because It made me worry I wouldn’t meet someone who would accept me. Then it clicked, Someone who is meant for you will accept you exactly the way you are through everything. When I had the consultation and looked at my body with them I was like it looked weird. It looked weird because I spent so much time accepting my body as this tall, lean, athletic and thin looking human. For the first time in many years I was actually really healthy and happy with everything, especially in my approach to food. Other things were booming for me, my career, my friendships so really why was I standing there beating myself up about having a body surrounding a heart that can give so deeply to everything I do. So why am I writing this. I am writing this because we all face these issues. We all face times we just think I hate my body, I wish I was a specific size, I wish I had smaller this or bigger that. STOP… what I want you to do is take time out today to tell yourself what’s positive about you? What would you never give up about yourself? Who are you? What amazing things are happening for you right now? What do others say they would love about you? Focus on the positives, not physically but emotionally. Beauty and Bodies are only skin deep. Beauty fades, bodies change and when you are old and wrinkly you don’t want to look back and say I spent 30 years of my life hating on myself and not living life with vigour, fun and confidence. So go out there today, stop worrying about everyone else, start Walking proud whatever body shape you are, smile in the knowing that you are you, and that is the best version you could ever be.
Yes… ME! Learning to let the waves come to me and not chase them! Meaning I need to learn to be patient… and learn to stop time incase I miss things. Life is so precious and we spend so much time chasing things… Career Success, Love, Money, Glory, Image, Perfection – how often do you take time to just be in the moment? How often have you been impatient and its caused things to break down, or you have missed a vital piece of information, or been misinformed because you haven’t waited for the whole picture before jumping to conclusions? How often have you wanted the answers NOW and not waited for them to find you? Yes I am guilty of all the above. Of putting career before relationships. Of chasing perfection rather than embracing what I have. For fearing hurt/abandonment and jumping to conclusions in relationships. None of us are perfect but what we can is recognise these things. Take time to just watch the waves.
Take time to allow the waves to come to you, see the full picture, understand the process. Work on what you love while you do it… learn to embrace you and your time. Be alone in your head and it not be scary. Embrace your space, laugh with your friends, worry less live more! Work hard but remember that you need to play too. Be brave enough to be vulnerable, be brave to trust what your gut is saying without jeopardising your worth. Be brave to say you are worth the wait to achieve great things, but you have to go through process. There is no short cuts, so stop chasing the waves. They eventually reach the shore in a calm, beautiful manor!
So for now… laugh in the confusion, embrace the moments, live your life, but still visualise your dreams. Be patient in the process and dance your way to happiness, all in the knowing that the waves will eventually reach the shore, in the right time, in the right moment exactly the way it was meant to be.
Are you a sufferer of perfectionism? I know I am! Something I battle on a day to day basis. From striving to be a top 2%er and striving for excellence in everything (work, life, friendships, relationship) I have to try and not allow my mind to overthink it, over plan it and overanalyse everything. Sitting writing this as my flight Is delayed in the airport for a solo escape to get some rejuvenation and refresh my mind and body. We can be a nightmare to live with or be friends with. My major level of perfectionism is planning everything down to smallest T. I hate starting my day without a plan. Plans keep me motivated, keep me regimented and keep me on time! But from time to time we mess it up, the plan doesn’t happen, you have a rough day, you feel not so positive, but what do you do? You bounce back – usually with massive vengeance. I struggle sometimes to embrace when times are a bit tougher or I am hurting… mostly due to the fact that I like to be that beacon, that hope, that light and positive smile. You can inspire more people by being real and sharing you experiences than pretending it is all okay. I love this phrase above, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So here is me being real. I am taking a few days out from life to get my soul right and rest my head and heart. Ill be back bigger and better with a fresh outlook, positive mindset and renewed energy! It’s okay to admit it and it’s okay to take a step back and put yourself first.
If you are struggling at the moment to find calm within you. It is okay to just be real. Speak about it, talk it through, write it down, ride the waves of emotions and remember to take time for you. Take time out to remember who you are, what you need and how you can keep a smile on your face.
I am here to tell you not a lot of us haha! I got asked the other day, Jayne what is your 5 year plan and for the first time in a long time I froze and panicked! OMG I do not know what my 5 year plan is anymore, I have been DRIFTING!!!!!!!!!! I am a massive planner, like I know its frustrating for others how much I need to know what’s going on. I am not very good at just going along with day to day without a structure and plan in place. The key thing being because I just don’t want to miss anything. People, moments, work, training, food haha (yes you laugh if I don’t plan in food I might get too busy and forget). I like to fully live life and have a plan so I can see everyone In my life but sometimes it gets too much and I panic.
How many times have you found yourself there? Lost in the darkness unsure of where it is your life is steered. At 30 sometimes I despair at where my life is going, am I on the right path, trying to get back in sync with my vibe and ensure I am “flowing”. Oh yes, we have all heard it, get in your flow and everything will be okay… be patient everything is a work in process… your prince charming is round the corner… okay thanks… Mum that doesn’t help me right now (wondering if I may actually be the real life Bridget Jones) **haha chuckles of laughter**…. Okay we laugh, Maybe a little bit of an exaggeration but sometimes if you don’t laugh you might cry so it is always best to laugh and smile and maybe have an (awkward silence) but you get the gist. Any ladies or gents out there you may know this feeling and even those in relationships and couples. Are you in the right place, are you with the right person. Or career wise, are you In the right place? Are you on the right path? Are you working to live or living to work?
I adore the people in my life who seem to have it all figured out, their aura so strong and powerful with satisfaction and focus. The relationships of couples I know where all your feel there is pure love and complete adoration. I sometimes struggle at wondering if that will eventually be me one day and if someone will be able to put up with my complete stubbornness to loving to have a plan and meticulous and annoying drive for grabbing everything with 2 hands and going full pelt…. But what is the plan? THIS IS BREAKING NEWS Ladies and gents and I am here to tell you something BIG…. Are you ready for it?
THERE IS NO PLAN!!!
I know…. “WHAT?? NO PLAN” I hear you say… what are we all going to do? Surely this is how we base life… But the plan is you CREATE your own plan and your story! Wow… I know… I find it crazy writing that (crazy planner woman over here) but each day is an opportunity to create your plan. To write your story, to find your path, to make a change, to improve your life, to find love, to be love, to LIVE! What a great thing that each morning you wake up, you breathe in fresh air and have the opportunity every morning to do something with your life, to inspire others with your life, to help others, to help yourself and most importantly to find your power in yourself. This is part of the opening to my new book. Find Your Power which is currently in the process of the plan… and yes this plan has been sitting there for 10 months. It’s taken me 10 months to get round to reminding myself I am at my happiest creating. I am assuming you have all seen PS. I love you? The part of the movie that she is telling Gerry she was born to create. This sounds ridiculous but as I watched this movie in December for the first time in years this quote has stuck with me, the theme song and everything has given me some weird sense of creativity back, like a chord struck. Writing is my creativity and I love it and it helps me help you guys and girls, it also helps me create speaking content to deliver epic talks and speeches. It helps me remember who I am, what I stand for and who I want to be. What is your creativity? Where do you want to go?
Key Thing: It isn’t about the perfect plan, the perfect life, the perfect Flow, the perfect image, the perfect balance. It’s about just being. Something I am trying to do… just be! Its about accepting that you have flaws and understanding what you can do about it, but embracing that you can’t always be perfect. It’s about knowing that no matter what judgement comes your way, you can only be true to who you are. It’s about accepting what will be will be. You can’t force situations, you can only nourish them. It’s about being patient, when you want to rush, and about being calm when you want to blow! It’s about being present right now in this moment and embracing its all step by step, moment by moment, day by day, week on week, year by year.
What is the point in this blog for you? To help you relax, to calm, to flow, just as much a post for me as it is for you. If you are reading this and you are in a momentary lapse of – I am not at the right point in my life. I am not where I need to be… STOP! Don’t panic! You are exactly where you need to be right at this moment in time. Whatever confusion you are going through, whatever success you are feeling, whatever pain you are potentially going through, what is it teaching you? It’s not a negative, it is there for a reason to help you grow, to help you flow and to help you understand what you need more of in your life or less of in your life, people, hobbies, places, air. Whatever you are up to this Wednesday, take time to understand your silence. Take time to get comfortable in it. Time to understand it is good for you. Time to understand the more silent you are the more you can hear, the more you can create, the more you can become clear and the more you can get comfortable in being yourself. Remember you are 90% of how you react to the 10% of life you cannot control. Life is too short to live in fear and doubt and a lack of self love. I am on this journey with you the whole way. Take some time out to create your silence and find some peace.