True to You

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let out true selves be seen.”

Brene Brown

There is a reason Michael Jordan is one the most successful sportsman of all time…. he was uniquely authentic to who he was, no matter the situation. This is reiterated in one of his famous quotes, “Authenticity is about being true to who you are.” Okay, yes of course, especially when you watch back some of the footage… he was an INSANELY talented basketball player, but being talented doesn’t make you successful. It is mad when you think about it… he is one of the most successful sports people ever in an era way before social media and our modern technology. He created a brand for himself that still makes him stand out above the current generation of athletes. His authenticity and passion towards what he did created the legend that he is, and the same with Usain Bolt. He was making waves just by being true to who he was and what he believed in – no gimmicks, no materialistic needs, just him, his team and undeniable passion. With this leads to the fact now they are not just sportsman. Their sport lead them to become truly successful businessmen and their brand becoming huge. When we think about Jordans deal with Nike – he showed loyalty and built a relationship over time through trust and authenticity which sees 36 years later after he first signed with Nike in 1984, to the current day, he has just hit 3.1 billion in profit last year just from Nike alone. That’s from the franchise of Jordan in 2004.

People LOVE authenticity. When people put on the Jordan shoes they want to be like Michael Jordan – I think even more so now after the last dance Netflix documentary. This is what you need for your business, when people step into your business you want them to be like, ” HEY, I’m part of this business, I’m proud, I wan’t to tell everyone that I’m part of it,” and how do we do that? Through authenticity, trust and building strong relatable relationships with whom your customers are.


So when we think of authenticity to who you are, and authenticity to your consumer, providing information for what your consumers needs and wants are…. Your brand needs to be authentic to the needs of your clients. For example as a coach, we speak about what is it that your clients struggle with, what are their pain points, what is it they ask you the most that they want to know… there is your marketing strategy right there. Help your audience through their pain points, by

So here is a question for you….

How often have you gone to say something/post something/write an email/text and thought and paused for a moment and thought, “I’m not going to say that because…. 1) they will probably think it’s a ridiculous idea, 2) Will this person disagree, 3) People will just think what a know it all 4) fill the blank.”

Essentially how many times have you stopped yourself from saying or doing something out of the fear of what someone else might think? YES, I can see all those hands up, we have all done it… then How many times have you regretted that you didn’t do or say anything because now YOU don’t feel like you are being authentic to you? YES, I can see all those hands going up again.

These above are all just little stories going around in your head. I got this of one of my best friends and amazing life coach – www.lucyspicer.com. I did a session with Lucy, as I still sometimes feel those fears and those stories now, so I have to take some time every so often to remind myself that being authentically me is how I need to be. If you have something you want to say that you genuinely believe could be of value or help – just say it. Obviously of course, if it is going to genuinely upset someone maybe have more tact how you approach it. Just be assured that people will respect you so much more for doing that AND you also set the boundaries for yourself in any relationships because people know where they stand and then everything is all just a little bit rosier. Michael Jordan for example – I don’t know if any of you have watched his latest documentary (if you are reading this and you haven’t I highly recommend you do), but the reason he was so awe inspiring as that he was just himself, upfront, straight to the point, some people liked him, some were afraid BUT everyone knew where they stood with him and he became one of the most well recognised sports stars in history.

So here’s the next question: If there was one thing you could do right now that you have held back on and not voiced what would that be? Is there something you have been wanting to say or shout about but you have been afraid to do so? Why don’t you take this as your sign to take the leap and do it. Is it something to do with something amazing you have achieved this week – literally could be as simple as you are really pleased because this week you have done exercise every day, OR this week I stuck to my spending budget, or this week I really focused on my turning my passion into my career and it’s really starting to come together.

For so many years, while I was stuck in my eating disorder I created habits that would tell me I wasn’t good enough, right through to walking out onto the pitch for Glasgow 2014, I still had moments of doubt that everyone thought I was a joke. Something I have learnt to cope with and create methods and strategies to deal with it, BUT alot of that is about just being authentically you. That means on every level – social media, family, friends, work because the more you accept you and are kinder to you (and I mean not over criticising yourself every 2 seconds and reminding yourself you are worth your vo ice). So if you are reading this and you, right now, hold back a little, and dull yourself down to blend in… im here to say STOP! You have blended in for too long, and you need to relearn how to shine, and be authentically you because thats where you are going to be your happiest. So take some time over the next week, assessing whats holding you back from truly being your authentic most happiest self, but also take some time identifying what does truly make you happy. Do you ever have that feeling of wanting something more?

Task

I want you to try the below: The Bus Task from page 50 of my book, Free-ed.

Spend 10 – 15 minutes on each bus. Right now we are going to envision what it is you want to feel, see, the energy you want to emit and attract.

Bus 1:
Right now what makes you readjust yourself and be inauthentic – write in all the seats those things.
– ideas for example: inadequacy, fear, stress, and so on.
Then identify where those come from finance, friendship, work etc.

Identify situations you can change and ones that may just need adjustment. What about those stresses causes you to be inauthentic and why? Go on – WRITE it down.

Then write down now how you want to feel, how do you want your days to be, what your friendships will be and on bus 2 I want you write down what that looks like.

Bus 2
I want you to identify what would you need to do have on your team to be authentically you, authentically happy.

I know this task will be eye opening for a lot of you. From each of these tasks you then have the basis of your action plan. From there you can start to make small goals to get from Bus 1 to Bus 2.

Remember YOU deserve to live the life you imagine.

Final Words:
Authenticity isn’t about how popular you are, it isn’t about the number of likes on social media or the number of friends you have, trust me the more authentic you are the more genuine the above will be and you will watch yourself blossom and bloom.

If you are afraid and trust me I know this can be scary, here’s my quote for you:
“You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are.” Amy Poehler

Just remember that, when you know who you are, you attract the energy you put out.

Sending all my love,

Jayne xx

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear is a prevalent part of our day to day lives. If we aren’t living in it, we know someone else that may be, and it can sometimes be the thing that controls whether we take the leap or we don’t. I came across this topic this morning, as I was listening to Mel Robbins – Take Control of Your Life, and she talks about perfectionist in this part of the audiobook. How perfection, and the fear of not being perfect in our production of something can mean actually we never ever take that leap of faith, because it paralyses us. It sparked something in me that I wanted to write about it so here I am.

Imagine Neil Armstrong never took that leap to be the first man on the moon out of fear? It’s crazy to think that our fears can be SO powerful that they stop us from doing the things we potentially want to the most. It’s that knot wrenching feeling when you are about to take that leap, its the feeling of discomfort, it’s that feeling of not being good enough or being rejected, so you take a little step back because it’s more comfortable that way. It’s exactly the same as overcoming things such as mental health – it’s scary, because in the process you need to uncover alllllll these things you didn’t realise were affecting you.. but on the other side when you understand it all, your triggers, your pain points and create an understanding of how you can deal with them, then actually you are MUCH stronger, even though that journey is very painful. Fear normally comes from a situation you have faced previously that has left you with a unwanted mark, and unwanted feeling and behaviour you never want to feel again. When it happens your cortisol levels rise for about 90 seconds you have the opportunity to decide whether you are going to face that thing or you are not. It might take you a few attempts. But imagine this… the very thing you are fearing right now about making that next change in your life… imagine you didn’t face it? Imagine you didn’t create that life you wanted, speak to the person you wanted to tell them how you feel, apply for that job, speak up and show your ideas to your boss, pick up the phone and say sorry to someone, take that course, move to that city…. the list goes on… but just imagine… how would you feel if in 5 years time you didn’t take that leap right now to face that fear? One thing we have to focus on is not allowing your fear to take away your power.

Admitting your fear – it’s vulnerable. It can cripple you, and make you feel inadequate. Have you identified a fear? Everybody faces fear to some level, even the most powerful people in the world. So the acronym FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. Most are fears are from evidence that caused pain in us when we were about 6 or 8 years old… Madness or a traumatic experience that you have gone through. Fear of failing and fear of embarrassment I think are super strong ones with most people. Listening through Mel’s podcast this morning took me back to a couple of things that stimulate on of my old fears – and also to an extent something that still causes me great discomfort, the fear of being ridiculed and being wrong, there bringing on a fear of asking for help. This goes WAY back to my childhood days, and something I speak about in my books, but a moment that is probably emphasised in my mind, but something that tormented me for a while, but didn’t come out till I had therapy for my eating disorder. After raising my hand in the classroom at 6 years old to ask for help, my teacher told me to not ask such stupid questions in front of the entire classroom. So firstly… you can imagine the shame, and you can imagine the laughs from all the other children surrounding me. I was 6 years old, how many 6 year olds ask enquiring questions? And how great is it that they want to enquire that what they are doing is correct? Fast forward 20 years… I was on an athletics course, and I remember messaging my mum after to say, “you will never guess what, I disagreed with something today on the course, and I knew I had 2 options, to sit still and allow the person to think they were right, or I raise my hand and put my point across… I raised my hand and validated my point, and guess what they agreed, and everyone else around me agreed with my point.” Can you imagine the backflips my stomach was taking while I raised my hand to this? OMG it was insane. My school reports every year said, “Jayne doesn’t contribute enough”, “Jayne doesn’t apply herself”, “Jayne needs to ask for help when she needs it”… I never ever did ask for help, even now, if I need support it’s deliberated over for a while before I reach out. Which is why writing a book and putting entire vulnerable self out there was SUPER scary. The day my book went to live, I was so nervous to hear about peoples views on it. You are setting yourself up to be torn down when you do that. But it proved to me that I was capable of being academic, and that prove to me that I had become a much stronger person. I felt the fear and I did it anyway.

Don’t let anyone else dictate your fears. I have been doing lots of reading recently as you have probably seen on my instagram, regarding personality types, and I have had many a giggle along the way, but this has enabled me to judge my personality more in different scenarios. I am VERY yellow – more yellow than I ever thought. But yellows can be the sort of personality that if you can’t please everyone or someone doesn’t like what you do, and they make it clear, you can take a real offence to it and want to ensure they do whatever it takes to please – something I need to work on and have been. So this leads me onto some fears, and why I am back. As many of you have messaged me to ask where I am on social media, and its been super nice to see me back on there which is lovely. Openly as I said in find your power blog 2 weeks ago – I have been living in the present and trying not to live through social media. I have found happiness and peace in life, with my home life and my job which is absolutely adore and has inspired me to be even more creative here. A lot of people have a fear of posting authenticity because of a fear that their life isn’t perfect but SO what if your life is or isn’t perfect, we would ALL rather see authenticity rather than the non real life. I used to be super open, honest and authentic as possible, but then something happened last summer that caused me to be embarrassed about my past, and think am I over sharing. Mostly a relation to my “history”. I was aware of any post I posted that it may of been ripped to pieces, and trolled, that the thing I was trying so hard to not be ashamed about and open up about was the one thing that was holding me back. The reason I started on social media in the first place was to try and help others overcome their past. Every-time I went to post, i’d always have a think do I want to post it, and I’d even go back through and delete if I thought was too much – ridiculous right. The thing I had been building up for so long – GONE! The community I had started to create GONE. Then one evening last October, I was out for dinner with a friend in the city and my boyfriend was working late, so I decided to stay on my own for a drink and do some work, while I waited for Ben to finish. A girl approached me across the room (I won’t say her name but she knows who she is) and said, “I know this is so random, but are you Jayne Nisbet, I recognise you, and I follow you on instagram. I just wanted to say thank you. You have inspired me to overcome my issues, and I ran my first half marathon 2 weeks ago, something I never thought I would do. Your daily videos inspire me, and I miss them. I hope you are okay.” This rang through me like a wake up call… The one thing I love doing is supporting and helping others to find their power, and there and then I was slowly losing mine. I missed writing, and I missed being creative. My boyfriend Ben, then reminded me. The reason I do these posts and the reason I write these blogs is that I want to help others overcome some of the things I may of gone through or or even currently going through. Which is exactly why I started.

SO here we are and here I am facing some of the fears again… So lets face the fears together…. What is it you are fearing at the moment?
Is it a fear of insecurity because of work? A fear of not being good enough? A fear of being rejected?

What do you want to achieve? What is stopping you? Messages on a postcard…. but let’s create a community together that enables us all to talk about those fears and work through them together… a problem shared is a problem halved right?

Head over to instagram: http://www.intagram.com/jaynenisbet and I will direct you to my Find Your Power Instagram Page which will be my little community.

All my love,

Jayne

Direction

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the girl who’ll decide where to go.”

Dr Seuss

Direction… What is yours?

I’ve found recently a lot of us, well at least those I know, are trying to address what their direction is. With the added downtime to our lives it gives us more time for reflection and that is INCREDIBLE but it can also be extremely overwhelming. Overwhelming to the point that it causes panic. When times get tough, the natural instinct is to survive, and at the moment a lot of that survival is “keeping busy”, “staying active”, “being proactive” and so on. I put these in inverted commas because they are short term solutions. Keeping busy is a distraction method, staying active without a purpose is a distraction method, being proactive is trying to keep busy sometimes and so the cycle continues. Why I head this as direction as, distraction is great, it is comfortable, it numbs the pain for a short period of time, but the issue with distraction is that it doesn’t get to the solution.

I was listening to a great podcast the other day with Ferne Cotton and Vex King, and they were talking point of Vex’s book – your vibrations and how the vibrations you emit obviously effect your mood. So If you are vibrating on a certain level then it can complete alter your vibe. For example if you are stressed and your vibrations and “stressy”, you will probably bringing back stress as you emit stressful signals to those around you, which causes more stress. Identifying methods of how to deal with stress can be super helpful, and a lot of the time stress can come from a lack of direction in many different elements and with stress can bring anxiety. Right now it could be a lack of direction in money, it could be a lack of direction in your career, in your passion, in your fitness – whatever it is, it can cause stress, which may me mean you are just vibrating on the wrong level.

What is it at the moment that you are thinking about most? Are you using a distraction method? Or are you being productive with your downtime and utilising in a positive manner? What normally happens in survival mode is we all go crazy survival, start doing everything under the sun to avoid the thing that stresses you the most and then you are distracted from that for a while, until you can no longer hide from it. A really good way I find on day to day to connect with my direction is book ending my days. I came across this method a few years ago in a book by Darren Hardy called the compound effect. He talks about how book ending and doing small simplistic positive things daily, over a long period of time have a compounded positive effect… FACT. Let’s use an example in fitness: So you start running. Lets picture it: Week 1… you set out to try and run a 5k…. but you get to 2k and you are really struggling. So you take a little walk breather, then you do another 500m, little walk and then do that until you get to the end. Next week you do the same but you manage to get to 3k before you need to do that. You consistently build this up and all of a sudden in 8 weeks you have run 10km without stopping… because you have just bitten of small chunks daily and weekly and been consistent. Its the same with your work and your career. Creating routines and habits, it takes 21 days to adapt, 42 to consolidate and 63 to master. So why do we give up in week 2? Small consistent positive steps daily equal massive results in 60 days, in 180 days, in 1 year for example if you just read 10 pages a day – thats 3650 extra pages of knowledge you would know this time next year… CRAZY right.

I digress as per usual.. So Book Endings. Book ending your days, by having small routines that start and complete your day, and helping you reflect and calming it all down, no matter what has happened. Make them small, make them manageable. For me reading 10 pages a day really helps me focus in the morning, it doesn’t take long, but I like to get up, make my breakfast, drink a glass of water and read my 10 pages – nice and chilled start to the day. My worst nightmare is rushing so I always prefer to get up early and start my day relaxed. That usually follows by exercise, but I am getting better at listening to my body, so I always have Plan A and Plan B depending on how my body feels. Then I normally write out what needs to be completed that day, prioritise in order and that includes work and play, then at the end of the day just spend 5 minutes reflecting, normally talking to my other half about everything in that day and then planning my next day. It doesn’t take long and its very rewarding. But this process helps me focus and stay on track. It helps me plan the next step, helps me breakdown any anxiety I have over that day because I’ve made it manageable and maybe it can help you too.

So what’s your direction?
How are you going to bookend your days to create that focus?

Key things:

  • Make it sustainable
    • There is no point in creating a bookend thats going to be unsustainable daily. I have the option if I am going to struggle for time I listen to an audiobook for 10 minutes – especially making sure I do this once I go back to work. I feel something to help you engage your brain is important.
  • Write down what you need to do and prioritise
    • And No don’t go for the easy option – actually prioritise. Some tasks take less time but that doesn’t mean they need to be done first. Break it down step by step. Have you ever read the book the 1 thing? It talks about taking your list all the way down to the 1 thing you need to focus on for that period of time – so for the next hour what is the 1 thing you are going to focus on.
  • Do something that makes you feel good – if thats going for a run, maybe writing a blog, journaling, exercising, yoga, cleaning – whatever it is do it.
  • If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed Go back to step number 1!
    • Make it sustainable – what can you remove, or what doesn’t need to be done right now and what can you do that will make you feel brighter and vibrate on a better level.

As Dr Seuss says above, you are the master of your direction. You wear the shoes, wherever you want to go you can, you can steer yourself in any direction you want… so what do you choose?

I’ve missed writing so much, and I hope this blog helps you.
Head over to my instagram for my IGTV that talks more about this too.

All my love,
Jayne xx