You will never be alone
I’ll be there for you
How many times have you found yourself there? Lost in the darkness unsure of where it is your life is steered. The blackened room that things might not be quite as rosy as you wanted them to be. The picture perfect life you had imagined and planned didn’t work out the way you wanted it too and it sends you into a spiral or self doubt and self loathing. At 30… I sometimes despair where my life is going… am I on the right path, trying to get back in sync with my vibe and ensure I am “flowing”. Oh yes, we have all heard it, get in your flow and everything will be okay… be patient everything is a work in process… your prince charming is round the corner… okay okay thanks Mum, (as I whisper under my breathe that doesn’t help me right now and take a moment to question am I the real life Bridget Jones)… **awkward laugh**…. Okay everyone else you are not meant to agree *chuckling*. Maybe a little bit of an exaggeration (or maybe not… this may of happened a couple of times) but sometimes if you don’t laugh you might cry so it is always best to laugh and smile and maybe have an (awkward silence) but you get the gist. I am 30 and single… something I really hoped I wouldn’t be. Spending most my teens and twenties in 2 long term relationships spanning over a period of 10 years and coming up to 31 after trying to be open to dating over the last 4 years, I do worry sometimes if I will ever find someone who truly gets me. Then I always take a moment to remember everything comes to you are the right time, at the right moment and when you are in the right place to accept it. Any single ladies or gents out there you may know this feeling and even those in relationships and couples. Are you in the right place, are you with the right person. So many of my friends worry about this, single, relationships whatever stage they are at, or stuck in things because it was on the plan, or they feel they have too. It’s okay to step away and say this doesn’t make me happy. I stepped away from potentially marriage 4 years ago as I knew it was the right thing to do, we could of stayed comfortable and we could of just got on with it but I was miserable, we both were, but we were both very much in love and I guess still are now as we keep in touch. Both very much wanted to make things work, but both very much made each others lives a toxic nightmare. It took me to step up and take the plunge, something I have questioned over my recent dating escapades if it was just fear of “the forever”. Wow – forever – now isn’t that a scary phrase. I don’t even know if I am ready for “forever”. I am hoping that “forever” will come and slap me in the face and relentless not let me go no matter how many times I try to run. I am very afraid of letting my guard down and protecting myself, only over the last 12 months I have tried to allow myself to start opening up and potentially allow someone in…. Its fucking scary! Really god damn scary. It hasn’t worked out so well for me so far either, but hopefully by the time I have finished writing this book, who knows? Opening up, It makes you vulnerable, exposed and afraid. Makes you think at times you are not worth it, then you take a step back and time to remember you are. When in search of love, especially when you are used to being on your own, the thought that you even have to give up your own time and plan other people into your life becomes an alien feature of your life. It is something I get very upset with too, knowing my own time is no longer my own time.
Overriding that: I know I will eventually find my perfect partner that accepts all the mind boggling sides of me – that at times mind boggle myself. That deep down I do want this nurturing and beautiful relationship with its trials and tribulations but this time they stay! Recently I met someone who’s enabled me to really see how much timing makes a massive impact on timing when you are older. I know friends who have met their partners and within the space of 4 weeks they are established couples. THAT there my friends petrifies me as I am a strong independent woman…. Or is it I envy that this is what I want. This means I have to take a step back and just breath. I adore some of the relationships of couples I know. The ones where all your feel there is pure love and complete adoration. That will literally work through everything, do anything through thick and thin and have their partner in crime. The one that no matter how low or high you are they are with you every step of the way and sometimes I do struggle at wondering if that will be me one day and if someone will be able to put up with my complete stubbornness to loving to have a plan and meticulous and annoying drive for grabbing everything with 2 hands and going full pelt…. But what is the plan? THIS IS BREAKING NEWS Ladies and gents and I am here to tell you something BIG…. Are you ready for it?
THERE IS NO PLAN!!!
I know…. “WHAT?? NO PLAN” I hear you say… what are we all going to do? Surely this is how we base life… But the plan is you CREATE your own plan and your story! Wow… I know… I find it crazy writing that (crazy planner woman over here) but each day is an opportunity to create your plan. To write your story, to make a change, to improve your life, to find love, to be love, to LIVE, to Find your power! What a great thing that each morning you wake up, you breathe in fresh air and have the opportunity every morning to do something with your life, to inspire others with your life, to help others, to help yourself and most importantly to find your power in yourself and this brings us to why we are here and why you picked up this book. I am not here to preach to you, I am not a trained therapist, I amn’t going to give you miraculous life changes, I won’t be able to cure everything for you. Thats not what I want to claim. But What I want to do is relate with what You might be going through, hopefully give you a couple of laughs where you have that moment that you go wow that is RELATABLE and find peace that you are on the right path, for YOU and your timings are fight for YOU. I am assuming you have picked up this book because you might be struggling to find your power. I am here because I want to help you understand your worth, help you be calm with the process, help you enjoy the journey. I want to help you find your power… take the control back within yourself and your life and I cannot wait to go on this journey with you with tasks, quotes, help and most importantly knowing that I’ll be there for you on every step of the journey. Every step of changing your life, your mind and creating your own plan… Feeling unsure is part of the path – don’t avoid it – identify what these feelings are telling you and embrace it… are you ready to find your power? Lets go……