Need to find that “off” switch? *Hands up* My off switch isn’t very good… like ever! haha I love to be busy and filling up my life with being busy! But I am also very good at using busy as a coping mechanism to hide emotions and feelings, it’s a distraction method many of us use to hide potentially a few things: stress, anxiety, fear, depression, hurt, worry, heartache and loneliness. I was speaking to someone just the other day and its only been recently that I can sit and watch part of a movie on Netflix without feeling “guilty”. HOW ridiculous is that and unlogical does that sound really haha but its true! I told you I was daring bare! It’s actually something we are SO bad for in society and it then means it actually makes others feel anxious for not being so busy and its this massive vicious cycle – I remember once I got asked out on a date and my response was I am actually not free till October 10th…. and that wasn’t a joke! I had filled in every weekend and free evening with something! Poor guy I used to be such a woman on a solo mission I have got better over the years haha.
Anyway back to the point: busyness! Why do we fill our lives with being busy rather than embracing moments? Put pressure on situations rather than just letting them blossom? Create scenarios in our heads that are not even truly valid. I have been reading the book the art of being brilliant (in fact I have been reading a lot again recently which has Brought back my creative flow – its my meditation) but we are all so busy that we miss things, we miss living and we miss nurturing our relationships and ourselves. Reading this morning about busyness brought up this topic. With our lives being so much busier than ever there is only so much our brains and neural system can process and yep you guessed it – it chooses what it wants to hear and what it doesn’t. Have you ever had that grumbling feeling that you don’t want to hear something so you pretend that you didn’t? Like when you were a kid and you were told to tidy your room…. yeahhhh mum sure I will do that – until your dad threatens to chuck all your clothes away in black bags if it isn’t done by the morning – OH now your listening.
Information passes through 3 systems:
Have you ever read a sentence or read your own work and missed out the 5 extra “the” in your paragraph? But its only because your mind automatically deletes those words, its busy it doesn’t have time to consume them so automatic deletion happens. Sometimes I would question when you think you have had a conversation but your mind deletes that it has… almost like when you “forget” the conversations you had when you were drunk hehe just a little joke. Deletion takes away the information we don’t want to see. For example, if you are saying oh what a beautiful day it is…. and someones response is but its cold… they are deleting the positive of the fact its glorious sunshine!!!! WHAT?? Lets look on the bright side of life… we live in the UK its going to be cold from November – March lets embrace the sunny days and feel the rain for what is it.
This is where we change the view of a situation to fit our values rather than looking at it with open eyes. I wish I was better at actually distorting, but I am not. What I try and do is always look at it from what is called in coaching: the Pillar method. Your opinion, Their opinion and someone from the outside looking in . Rationalising the situation and then making a decision on the next best approach. The worst thing about understanding and nurturing psychology is knowing there is reasons for everyones reactions BUT obviously it helps you help others. Your body distorts images or situations based on what you want to see not necessarily for the truth.
This is the worst! MY GAWD how many times have we ALL generalised a situation based on past feelings or emotions? HANDS UP I am guilty. This is human nature and a protection mechanism, but actually not everyone has the same intentions or want to hurt you, or lie to you or drop you! This I would say is the one thing we all need to get better at. Generalisation ruins friendships, relationship and careers because you automatically think something will happen because it did In the past… so I am here to tell you something… it blooming well will if you think like that because guess what……. drum roll…. that’s exactly what you are attracting because that’s exactly what you are looking out for.
So why do we need to switch off more? It stops us with the above, it enables us to slow down and process things, discover ourselves, find peace and not jump to conclusions. Find your silence hobby and ensure you do even just 5 minutes a day, whether is journalling or reading or mediation or exercise. Silence your mind and heal your head, heart and soul. So would you lie with me and just forget the world? I hope we can all start.